Paris, 24 December 2009


EFITA newsletter / 443 / European Federation for Information Technology in Agriculture, Food and the Environment



To read this newsletter on the efita.net web site...
See: http://www.efita.net?d=6720


Merry Christmas & A Very Happy & Prosperous 2010 to y'all

Dear family colleagues and friends,

Just before the end of the year I wanted to thank you for the e-mails you have forwarded over the year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programmes. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within 30 seconds.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I avoid all the supermodels trying to chat me up in bars (such a common occurrence) for fear of waking up in a hotel bathroom ice-bath, minus  a kidney.

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a tiny red Australian spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way... a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ and body odour who don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Merry Christmas to you all!

Contact: Wilson BOARDMAN
E-mail: wilson(a)micromix.com


May Christ bless you with all the happiness and success you deserve!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Contact: Gabriela TEODORESCU
E-mail: theo_0200(a)yahoo.com


Thanks for the newsletter, which I often find interesting/useful. Of course, the jokes/stories are something generally also worth looking forward to & I see Mick is a regular contributor
This week questions from Mick Harkin were indeed interesting – of course, I made the wrong choices, although I anticipated candidate 3 was most probably some monster (I guessed at Sadaam Hussein).  I understand that Winston Churchill also was in the habit of not washing his hands after visiting the toilet, asserting that “at Harrow, we were taught not to pee over our hands”. To defend those like me, making the wrong choices, I would say that no-one would actually make either choice without speaking first with the respective candidates or the pregnant lady.

Also, the comparison between the building of the ark and the Titanic was a little unfair as the building of the ark was inspired and directed by Almighty God!

But thanks, Mick – I enjoyed your contribution, Best wishes,

Contact: Ken SMITH,
E-mail: ken.smith(a)adas.co.uk


Robotics: A new generation of agricultural equipment promises to take more of the
toil out of farming by automating the business of growing fruit...
See: http://www.economist.com/printedition/displaystory.cfm?story_id=15048711
Contact: Rolf A.E. MUELLER
E-mail: raem(a)ae.uni-kiel.de


The Economics of Genetically Modified Crops

- Matin Qaim, Annual Review of Resource Economics

This article reviews the current state of knowledge on genetically modified (GM) crops from the field of economics. According to the article, the available impact studies show that insect-resistant and herbicide-tolerant GM crops are beneficial to farmers and consumers, producing large aggregate welfare gains as well as positive effects for the environment and human health. But, "widespread public reservations have led to a complex system of regulations."

"Future issues" identified by the article include that:
1) over-regulation has become "a real threat" for the further development and use of GM crops and the costs in terms of foregone benefits may be large, especially for developing countries;
2) economics research has an important role to play in finding ways to maximize the net social benefits, with more work needed to quantify possible indirect effects of GM crops, including socioeconomic outcomes as well as environmental and health impacts;
3) economists need to contribute to designing efficient regulatory mechanisms and innovation systems;
4) although the gradual move from public to private crop-improvement research is a positive sign of better-functioning markets, certain institutional factors seem to be contributing to increasing industry concentration; and
5) especially with a view to small-scale farmers, more public research and institutional support are needed to complement private sector efforts.
See: http://arjournals.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev.resource.050708.144203


A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.

He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person...because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little f*cker on your knee!"

Contact : Mick HARKIN
E-mail: harkin(a)iol.ie


About the EFITA mailing list
You can use the efita moderated list (>4000 subscribers) to announce any event / product / web site / joke (!) related to IT in agriculture, environment, food industry and rural areas.
If you do not wish to receive our messages, please see: http://www.efita.net to remove your E-mail address from our mail list.